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Friday, December 14, 2012

How I became Muslim .

Salam Alaikum everyone, 

My journey to Islam was definitely a stressful but peaceful one. I felt peace in my heart but stress in my mind. So here is my story, I would describe myself as the normal American girl, I was new to the college scene and loving every second of it but I always felt something missing. I grew up in a really small town, with close minded people, you know the ones who call all arabs "terrorists", well I used to be one of the ignorant ones. Alhumdulillah, Allah guides whom he wills, and he guided me. . I grew up in a divorced family, and my mom re-married by the time I was 5 years old. I began having a really close relationship with my new step father and in time he became like a real father to me. I wasn't very close with my biological father so I always referred to my step father as being my biological one as well. So my mom is Christian, and my step father is Jewish. We would all go to Church on occasion, but we never really talked about religion nor learned about it. We were those people who always went only on special occasions, like Easter and homecoming. I remember when I would go to Sunday School and I would feel so out of place, and I couldn't understand the meaning to anything we discussed. I remember when I wanted to pray, I just put my hands together and would say "Thank you Jesus, Thank you God, .." Then I would ask for whatever I wanted. 

So by the time I was 16 I became very rebellious, I was spending a lot of time with my friends, out having fun, nothing too bad, but still not acceptable in my eyes now. I got in a bit of trouble, and I faced some challenges that some people would never have to face in their lifetime. I ended up leaving my parents house and moving to my grandparents during my senior year. After I graduated high school I began college where I had a class with a girl I went to high school with and we became close. We ended up staying together alot, and I became a bit wild. She began dating a Muslim at the university, and I was introduced to some of his friends. About a month before this I actually watched a documentary on MTV called "True Life: Resist the power of Saudi Arabia" I recorded it on TV and watched it many times, and I felt really bad for the people there. Growing up my parents also taught me that muslim women had no rights, and that we should feel sorry for them. I remember watching the news with my step father and he told me that if our troops left Iraq, who will be there to help the women? So anyways, I went with my friend and we began meeting many muslims at our university, mostly from Saudi Arabia, but one specifically I met first. I remember the questions I asked him first, which were so bad. He laughed and would show me things in the Quran, one of the first things he showed me was a hadith because I asked him about women in Islam. He showed me this : It was narrated by Abu Hurayrah that a man came to the Prophet and asked him: 'Who is most deserving of my close companionship?' He replied: “Your mother; your mother; your mother; then your father; then the next closest to you in kinship; then the one next closest.”
After I read that, I felt alot better and began to read about Islam myself. 

For the next year and a half I read about Islam off and on, and I became more interested in it the more I read. I would always read about many religions, because I was seeking the right religion to practice, and I always came back to Islam. I knew that there was a God, but I just didn't know how to worship. I was seeking set laws to follow, I was seeking the real way of life. So as time went on I continued studying, partying, hanging out with my friends, and doing so many other things. I had many muslim men friends who were teaching me things about Islam, and finally they just told me "Its time", they said you need to go to the mosque, you have to do it, you're Muslim! So finally, I decided to go on a Friday, I drove there, and I arrived about an hour before Jummah. I watched everyone walk in, finally I walked up to two separate people, and they both ignored me, or said they are busy. So I remember going back to the car upset. I called my friend who encouraged me to go back to speak with the Imam. I sat in my car, because at this point I was scared and upset. After watching everyone walk out and leave the masjid, I saw a few people standing outside so I went and approached the masjid and was greeted by a man. I told him I was interested in Islam, and he told me to come back that evening to meet his wife, another American convert. I went back that night, and I ended up growing really close with this woman.

About two weeks later, I took my Shahada, which was in September of 2011. After that I told my family, they weren't really surprised as they knew that I had muslim friends. My step father of course encouraged me to read the Torah and began giving me a lecture about Judaism and Israel stuff, and I asked him to read the Quran, which he refused. My parents completely rejected me being Muslim, they told me I was an embarrassment to our family, to our name, and all of that. They told me I was no longer invited to family gatherings, and I wasn't allowed to come to my brothers games. They told me I looked stupid wearing a scarf around my head. It was really hard at first, I remember crying and praying. I felt like an out of place when I was with my family. I remember it became so bad I thought about going back to before, I thought to myself, what if I just forget all of this, and go back to how things were before, and make it easier for me, and easier on my family. After I actually thought that to myself I came to a conclusion, I came to realization that the only religion for me is Islam, and the only religion I will ever follow is Islam. 

I realized that I have to be patient, and that Allah will make things easier for me. Everyday is a struggle, I admit, but it is completely worth it. I was looking for God, and I found exactly what I was looking for. I found Islam, the true path. I was looking for a way to worship God, and I found that in prayer. I remember hearing the Athan, and watching the prayer, and then understanding the prayer. Masha'Allah I just love it. I can't express the feeling I feel when I pray, I truly feel like I am worshipping Allah, my Creator. If I ever found something I didn't agree with about Islam, after I really thought about it, it is true and it is right, and it has meaning. I was looking for set laws and guidance, and Islam gave me that. Islam filled the place in my heart that was missing. Islam made me whole again.


Anonymous said...

It takes guts to do it! Congratulations! Have a peaceful life.. and remember.. step by step :)

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